To have the permission to just have the opportunity to just stand in that room and be a spectator, dear god that would be bliss. My eyes would bring me so much joy, they would be all I would need. Well, that and about twenty-seven pairs of socks. ):
I have to stop reading this series. I've been a sub male all my life and never even been close to having a Mistress like Ally, or a Mistress at all. I am thrilled by the writing and art, but at the same time, it shows I have missed the one thing I wanted most in life. And it kills me to know that now that I'm sliding past middle age, I'm just becoming a pathetic old man, looking back on what might have been in your stories. It is truly sad that I wasn't more assertive with my life and looked for what would have made me happy, for we only have the one life to live. So, people, don't be like me! Discover what your dream is, and make every effort to realize it! You'll regret it the rest of your life if you don't. I know. I know. Because I ruined my life by being a coward, and not searching for my heart's desire. And I'll die with my dreams unfulfilled and wander the earth, a ghost seeking something he didn't get in life.
Please don't do that. Remember that a whole lot of people also suppressed what they wanted, and that would happen more the more you went into the past (you did mention being middle aged) so you are not alone. There's probably a middle aged dom in the same situation as you, feeling really lonely with no toys to play, but you could show that the store's not out of stock.
its a personal choice. you can breathe normally with an average gag. but , yknow, as bdsm is essentially a make believe game it is the doms duty to allways pay attention. so this is why i allways tell people who are inexperienced, when starting , no gags and no ropes, use handcuffs , allways know where the key is, like anything else in life bdsm has a learning curve
the way Ally improvses here makes me think of a scene an old novel "Lady slings the booze" by Spider Robinson: the villain is talking about how ordinary household items could be used for torture, and one example was...how should i put it? those strange hangers that pants are on in the store. you know, the kind with 2 spring-loaded clips? imagine attaching THOSE to someone's nipples and then attaching something heavy to the hook!